Memoirs of a Broken Diva
by Kat Loussier
Summary: Meer needed to confide in someone, unfortunately she didn't. She only had her diary, this is her story with her soldier. ReyxMeer
1. Entry 1: Start of Something New

**A/N:** First pairing of its kind! Yeah, I know this could be considered a crack pairing, but I happened to enjoy writing this. We got an assignment to write a diary entry, and then I started thinking about that while watching Gundam SEED Destiny; and this is what came to me. I hope you enjoy and that I convert a few people out there to actually, maybe write some more. But anyways, I think we should get on with the story.

Just so you know, these are all first person; from Meer's point of view in the form of diary entries. I've added a few things since when I actually wrote these out.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Meer Campbell or Rey Za Burrel. This story idea is mine though, and any elements that do not appear in the show/manga are also mine.

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**Entry One: Start of Something New**

I'm hiding these entries in the secret pocket in the back of my diary. No one can know about this. I needed to write about all of this to keep myself sane.

It's a secret you see; our relationship. If anyone found out, the consequences for us could be severe. We could be executed or worse… but as long as it's dangerous, we'll keep it secret. Maybe someday we'll be able to be open about it, but that's not today.

But I love him, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for us to be together. It's true; I'm in love with Rey Za Burrel, not Athrun Zala. It's one of the things I hate about pretending to be Lacus-san; I have to suppress my real feelings. Puppets do not think, they follow commands as their master's pull their strings; Durandul is my puppeteer and I am his puppet.

Athrun's nice and all, but I can't see us getting past just being friends; it's probably because I am impersonating Lacus-san. I know. I know that it's wrong, and that this entire masquerade may one day take my life, but I want to help, and this may be the only way I can. No one would listen to Meer Campbell, but they would listen to Lacus Clyne-san.

It was never my idea to take this charade to be such a pop princess, but the publicists who I spoke to insisted on it; I wanted a little more subdued attire, but they insisted that this would work better. It's their job, so I assume that it's right.

But I'm straying from why I'm writing again. Oh dear, I am quite out of it lately, the exhaustion must be getting to me; I don't get a lot of sleep, and the sleep I do get isn't very good.

In a way, my impersonating Lacus-san is what allowed me to meet him, I might never have otherwise; I'll be eternally grateful for that, no matter how angry I can get at how little control I have over my life now.

Rey makes me forget about all that. All about being Lacus-san, everything bad, all the bad thoughts, he makes them seem to go away; makes me feel like Meer again. I really hope that after all of this we can move far, far away from the PLANTs to a place where we can be happy and together.

I'll set down the circumstances of how we first met.

I accompany Durandul to many meetings and other things, although I don't necessarily sit in on them. I met Rey on one such excursion.

Apparently Durandul had asked him to occupy me as I'd complained earlier about being terribly bored. We actually just stayed in my hotel room and talked and watched movies. Well, I mostly talked; Rey wasn't very forth-coming in the conversation. I thought I'd bored him too much with my never-ending chattering.

So you can imagine my surprise when he came back the next night. I had to tell him that I had a concert, but if he wanted, he could wait and we could perhaps got out for dinner after. I was a little upset about it, but that was the best I could offer under the circumstances; I had an image to keep up.

He smiled softly and replied, "I'd like that."

I have to admit, I blushed terribly at that; I hadn't expected him to actually even CONSIDER my offer. He never ceases to surprise me. It only occurred to en route to my concert that he'd smiled; REALLY smiled, he looked so handsome…

Anyways, my concert went remarkably well. The soldiers were ecstatic to see 'Lacus-san'. It raised their spirits considerably, which was exactly what I was supposed to do. I have to keep the soldiers morale up and the people united under Durandul.

It was very late when I finally got back to the hotel, and I was exhausted. All I wanted at that moment was good food, a warm bath, and a comfy bed; not to mention get out of this ridiculous outfit!

Then a fifty ton weight was dropped on my chest. Amidst all the action, I'd completely forgotten about Rey! I'd told him to wait, not realizing how late I would be out. I hurriedly made an excuse to Sarah and the others before hurrying towards the elevator.

I probably made quite the site, bolting out of the elevator doors the moment they were wide enough to let me pass, and then racing down the hall like a bat out of hell; I'm sure anyone who saw me would have a story to tell.

Reaching my door, I was breathing heavily, my hands still fisted in my skirt, and my ankles sore from running so far in heels, I'd probably have rolled an ankle once or twice, and there was a dull throb in both my ankles.

I hurriedly unlocked the door and threw it open.

What I saw next was not what I was expecting, or ever imaging, to be waiting for me.

A dinner table set for two, complete with candles and roses. I just stood at the door, completely in shock, starring open-mouthed at the scene before me. I was sweating, with sore ankles, and a very wrinkled dress.

Rey came out at this time, he seemed a little awkward, "I guess this would be the wrong time to ask if you would like something to eat…"

I broke out of my trance, "Oh… uh no! I was just wondering if it would be okay if I could quickly go and clean myself up." I surprised myself by even being able to form a coherent sentence.

He nodded. I disappeared into my bedroom to hurriedly change.

I emerged several minutes later, looking halfway presentable, although I was quite sure that I carried the odor of sweat with me despite my best efforts to cover it with perfume. Rey didn't notice, although if he did he didn't say anything about it.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Not a comfortable one, but an awkward one. When we finished, I helped him put the dishes into the dish washer before we settled onto the couch to watch a late night film, which happened to be an old romance.

I giggled several times throughout the film, I don't think that helped Rey feel anymore comfortable then he already was.

"Can I ask you something Meer-san?"

"Of course! And you don't have to bother with the 'san', Rey."

"Alright Meer… I was wondering if… I could continue to come and see you?"

I smiled brightly and hugged his arm, "Of course you can! I really don't mind and it's nice to have someone to talk to. Don't you dare tell anyone else what I told you last night, okay?"

He blushed, "I-I would never!"

Giggling, "I know you wouldn't; you're a trustworthy person, Rey. I'm glad that you and I can become friends!"

Of course, Sarah knocked at this moment, "Lacus-san, may I come in?"

"One moment Sarah!" I called back. Where to hide Rey?! I hissed at him, "Quick! Duck into my bedroom and take the back exit!"

He nodded and hurried into the next room.

I rushed over and opened the door, "What is it Sarah?"

"I came to ask why you came up here in such a hurry," she responded, inviting herself into my room. She sat on the couch, I slowly came and sat down beside her; afraid that she might know something about me and Rey.

"Oh, it's nothing; I was just tired and anxious to get back to my room, that's all."

Her eyes narrowed, she suspected something, "You're hiding something. Does it have to do with that red coat who was here last night?"

I was shocked, she noticed, "You have to stay away from him! If anyone found out, it could destroy you! You might even be killed!"

I could feel the hysterics coming on, I started to beg, "No! Please Sarah! Don't tell anyone about Rey! Please! He's the first friend I've ever really had! Don't tell anyone about him! Please don't! Let me have this one thing as Meer Campbell, I can be Lacus-san at all other times, but please let me have my time with Rey as myself!"

She seemed to debate about it, but finally relented, "Alright. I'll keep it a secret. But be careful."

Sarah left me there on the couch, breathing heavily and not sure how this was going to turn out in the end. For me, it turned out being better then I expected; it turned out just as my wildest dreams would have had it.

I'll write more later!

Meer Campbell

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First entry done! I know that the characters might have been a little OOC in this, but to make this pairing work, I had to. Also, if anything is not in line with the show's timeline, screw it. I wrote this and as the author of it, what I say goes. But anyways, both Rey and Meer are seventeen (I checked), and this just so happens to be one of my favorite pairings (despite how sparse the fanfiction on it is). Please review! Even if it's to say you didn't think it was that good! I live for reviews, so please be nice and feed the plot bunnies!

I fleshed this entry out a little more then it was originally, so be happy!

Signing off.


	2. Entry 2: Dreams of Something

**A/N:** I've started something new with this story. I wrote the entire thing before hand, but now I'm going through and editing it, fleshing it out. But anyways, don't expect this story to get past three chapters, if it does, then it surprises me because I only originally wrote three entries, but at how the first entry turned out, I'm willing to add one or two more, maybe.

And to one of my reviewers, thank you for that little review telling me about Rey. Anyways, since Rey's true age is unknown, you let me have my way with it as this is my story, and I'll just continue writing this because I don't want to have to go back and rewrite all of it, we'll just say that he _appears_ seventeen, okay?

And just so you guys all know, I am Hawk Chic, I just changed my pen name, alright?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Meer Campbell or Rey Za Burrel. This story idea is mine though, and any elements that do not appear in the show/manga are also mine.

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**Entry Two: Dreams of Something**

I may be a bit of a hypocrite, for having dreams of my own when I'm supposed to be someone else; especially when I tell someone else off for believing that they don't deserve to have dreams. But I couldn't help it; he deserves a dream, no matter what he says.

"Meer, it's a way to prevent war. That way, no one will ever have to fight again," Rey assured me; I still wasn't convinced. This conversation and subsequent events happened maybe a month after what I wrote about in my previous entry. "It's… it's all I really can do now. I don't have much time left Meer; I want you to be happy."

"Rey that's ridiculous! You're not going anywhere… are you?" I looked up at him, fear evident in my eyes; he gave me this sad troubled look. He looked racked by some internal strife; finally he relented to my pleading eyes.

He explained to me; he explained everything to me. His being a clone, his relation to Durandul and Klueze, his hatred for Kira Yamato; everything about him that he had told no one else. I listened with wide eyes and a stunned expression.

When he concluded, he looked at me with a scrutinizing eye, then his shoulders slumped; he seemed to deflate before my eyes. Fearful, I crawled over beside him and reached out to touch his shoulder comfortingly. He tensed at the hesitant touch, but then relaxed.

"It's alright Rey…" I responded quietly. "… just cry if you need to, I'll be here. I'm going to be there for you no matter what." He slumped against my chest and just started to cry. I held him for what felt like hours until his tears stopped.

He wiped his eyes and sat up, "I'm sorry for breaking down like that Meer." The ever professional soldier that he was was back once more; his shield and defenses up.

I shook my head, "There's no need to be sorry! We all need to talk to someone about what's going on in our lives, no matter how bad things get." I placed my hand comfortingly over his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "But even if we don't have much of a future, that doesn't mean we should just give up."

"What?"

I smiled at him, "I might be a hypocrite for talking about dreams when I am masquerading as Lacus-san, but I believe that we each should have a dream of something. That way, no matter what happens we always have something that we can look to as a light. That's what being human is about; having dreams."

Rey looked at me as he laced our fingers together and returned the squeeze, "Even I am entitled to having a dream?"

"Of course!" I nodded. "Everyone deserves to have one; whether they are big or small; a dream is a dream; it gives us a purpose to live by."

He leaned his head on my shoulder for a minute, then, "I think… I have a dream…"

"Care to share it?"

He smiled, "I want… a world where you'll be safe and where you can be Meer."

I giggled, "My dream is similar, but you're in there too! I want a world where you and I can be together…" I froze just as soon as the words left my mouth. I slapped my hands over my mouth, shocked at how my statement must have sounded. But deep down, I knew it was true. I just wasn't sure if I could admit it. At least, not yet.

He watched me. It was difficult having those beautiful azure eyes closely examining my face, it was maybe a tad unnerving, but I found that it evoked something strange within me; something that I had never felt before.

After several minutes of this silent examination, my own eyes never leaving his face, he seemed to have found whatever it was that he had been looking for. He smiled brightly, which caused my face to redden slightly.

"What is it Rey?"

"You're being honest with me, I can tell. You're a terrible liar Meer," he poked my forehead gently; I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly.

"So what if I'm a terrible liar? I think that makes me a better person, don't you?"

"Well, yes. I think it makes you a better person overall, but I believe that may not be the best thing in some situations; in fact, it may put you in more danger."

I looked up at him, "What do you mean? Put me in more danger, how?"

"As unlikely as this is, you may be kidnapped and revealed as a fake," he frowned. "The most likely course of action after that would be to either kill you, or use you as bait."

I shook my head wildly, "I don't want to be used as bait! I don't want more people to die because of me… I don't want anyone to die…"

Gently, he pulled me into a hug, "It's alright Meer, it's alright…"

I rested my head against his chest, letting the tears fall, "I'm… I'm just so afraid that I'll lose you. That I'll lose you and everyone else I've come to care about… I feel so useless! I just want this war over and done with! I'm tired of having to pretend to be someone else! I keep feeling that I _am_ Lacus, that I'm not Meer, whenever I leave you. I don't feel like myself."

"Just remember that you are Meer, and that nothing will change that. This war _will_ end, that I promise you."

Straining my neck to look at him, "You really mean that?"

"Since when have I lied to you?"

A small smile broke onto my face, "You haven't. But still, answer the question."

"Yes, I really mean that."

Using his shoulders, I pulled myself up so that our faces were a scant distance apart, I whispered against his lips, "I love you Rey."

Then my lips crashed down onto his.

Meer.

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Alright, I know that this entry might seem a little rushed, but I felt really bad about abandoning you guys like that for so long, so I finally managed to get this entry up (I had so much editing to do, the original second entry was extremely short and had a multitude of spelling and grammer errors).

So I'm expecting some reviews for this story. It's almost finished, can you believe that? At this rate though, I highly doubt that it will be the original three chapters that I wrote, but I've decided to break them up more, the third (and final entry that I wrote originally), is _extremely_ long and covers a lot, so I'm breaking it up into a few chapters, but this story is coming to a conclusion once I get back into the swing of updating more regularly.

It's summer, which means that I do have more time on my hands, but I have a life you know, and other stories that need updating and work on. Plus, I've already started working on a Christmas present for you all! So I need some prompts and ideas. It's Gundam SEED Destiny, you can pick any prompt or idea, but it has to do with Christmas in some way, okay? If I like it enough, then I'll right it and the one who submitted it will have that one-shot dedicated to them.

Kat.


End file.
